Eight Regulation-Centered Principles for Supporting Toddler Tantrums
(Inspired by What’s My Baby Thinking? by Tanith Carey & Dr. Angharad Rudkin)
1. Understand the developmental lens
Toddlers are still building the brain systems needed for emotional control. Tantrums happen when emotions outpace skills, not because a child is being defiant.
2. Offer appropriate choice and flexibility
Giving toddlers small, safe choices helps meet their need for independence and can reduce frustration that often leads to emotional outbursts.
3. Notice early signs of overwhelm
Tantrums usually have a buildup. Changes in behavior, increased sensitivity, or difficulty transitioning often signal that a child is reaching their limit.
4. Stay emotionally available
During intense emotions, children need connection more than explanation. Calm presence and reassurance help their nervous system settle.
5. Anchor yourself first
A regulated adult provides the stability a child needs to calm down. Slowing your breathing, lowering your voice, and staying grounded supports co-regulation.
6. Set boundaries with calm consistency
Big feelings are acceptable, but unsafe behaviors are not. Clear, steady limits protect both the child and the relationship.
7. Support repair and learning after the storm
Once calm returns, children benefit from gentle reflection and emotional labeling, which builds understanding and future coping skills.
8. Create rhythms that support regulation
Predictable routines around sleep, meals, and daily transitions reduce nervous system stress and lower the frequency of tantrums over time.
Grab the book “What’s My Baby Thinking” by by Tanith Carey & Dr. Angharad Rudkin here
